amandabadgirl (amandabadgirl) wrote in cm4_20,

To: olizashihar

Title: Miss Me, Boys?

To: olizashihar

From: talklikelions

Rating: PG? Maybe PG-13? Nothing graphic.

Prompt(s) used:

2nd prompt:
Adam and Reid live together and Amanda comes out to see Reid, can be with a problem, can be just a drabble to talk or something...

3rd prompt: Reid has to explain to someone on the team, or each member of the team, that he's living with someone, Amanda and Adam...

Warnings: A knife, slash, and the terrifying mention of Richmond, Virginia

Author's notes: not like what I'm used to writing AT ALL. I usually write original fiction, so writing fanfic was new and rather difficult. But I pushed through! Yay!
I do apologize, however, if it came out odd. My life has been mad lately, due to A) being Cinderella, helping my parents get our house ready to put on the market, B) not having a job, and C) relapsing into my eating disorder and having practically ZERO support from my family in going back to treatment, which I really need to do in order to ever go back to school. Poop.

And then once again, the story itself:

Spencer Reid sighed and rubbed his temples, hoping the caffeine in the coffee he'd been drinking since- he checked his watch- four A.M- would kick in soon and keep him alert. He'd had a rather sleepless night, and squiggles and spots kept appearing before his eyes, something he hated. It got in the way of his concentration, which got in the way of his ability to think logically, which had gotten him into this situation in the first place...

"Hey kid-conference room." Spencer Reid jumped and felt his heart skip a beat. His friend and co-worked, Derek Morgan, gave him a suspicious look and removed his hand from Reid's shoulder.

"Okay… You're usually kinda jumpy, but I'm not going to lie, for the past few days Reid, you've had me kinda worried. Everything okay?"

"I'm fine." Spencer snapped, feeling guilty before the words even left his mouth. He knew Derek cared about him, awkward as it was for him to have someone treat him the way he supposed a real family member might, and guilt crept in every time he snapped at his friend. Morgan's eyes showed a small amount of hurt, but the rest of his features were completely normal-trained, blank.

"Okay. Okay. Sorry. Just…I'm here, okay?" Derek gave him a hard pat on the shoulder and left him to his coffee. He groaned and took a large swig. Fuck.

The problem with being Spencer Reid, Genius Extraordinaire, was that you never got close to anyone. It had been that way his entire life. As a child, he had been The Prodigy, which meant either being beat up or admired. As a late teen, girls had fawned over him, guys had stood at a distance, awed by him (or tried to get too close to him in order to use him for good grades), and adults had used every work, every answer he came out with as an 'example'. When he finally graduated and the whirlwind that brought him to the BAU calmed down, he felt a bit more settled and less like a display, but he still knew what was on the edge of everybody's minds- He's Dr.Reid. He'll do it if we can't, he's weak but smart, he's naive but cute. Ongoing, for years. They knew so little of his personal life, but he knew they still cared about him- for once, not simply because of his mind, but because he was a part of their small, bizarre little family.

Now he had a bit more of a problem though. Beyond being The Prodigy. And it wasn't a girl that was fawning over him- well, not anymore- he thought with a smirk. It was a guy who viewed him as an advisor, a crush, a benefactor, and- well… the thought made him blush, a habit he hated, but he had a feeling his Problem would soon become Lover as well.

Problem. Lover. His OWN prodigy. And yet, someone he couldn't talk to his team about- his best friends, his ONLY friends. Not that he really knew how to broach such a subject with them, anyways- Morgan was the only one hr could even begin to imagine talking about his love life with, and his Problem was too…well…problem-y for that.

He sighed and entered the conference room, taking a long swig of his coffee, taking a seat next to Emily Prentiss, who raised an eyebrow at him but made no comment. She had learned to read him extremely well, and he had a feeling she suspected a lot more about his dilemma than anyone else. He ignored her inquiring look and studied his coffee intently.

J.J began her brief and Spencer found it difficult to concentrate as much as usual. A series of crimes in Richmond, Virginia, bodies found in the James River or surrounding areas. Signature…ugh. He sighed. Something…hair shaved off, always, the hair, even pubic hair. Shoes missing off of all of them. Richmond isn't that far. He found himself thinking. He should be okay. In fact, we should be able to work from Quantico…yeah. He'll be perfectly-

"Reid. REID." J.J was looking at him with concern. "Did you hear Hotch? We're staying in Richmond until we've got this one under control."

"Wh-staying-why?" Spencer stuttered.

J.J gave him an odd look.

"I mean, it's not that far away." He tried to clarify.

"It's over two hours." She said softly. "And sometimes that's not that bad, but Richmond can be a harsh city, so Hotch wants us around, keeping an eye on things. Were you paying attention at all?"

"Um." Spencer started grabbing haphazardly at papers around him. "Yeah, yeah I was, sorry, just tired, you know-"

"Spence, if you need-"

"I'm FINE."

He stormed out of the room before any more questions came, panic settling in. Just as things were getting normal, he had to leave again. It's the job. He knows it's the job, he tells me every time I go that it's okay. We'll be fine, we'll be- he gasped, dropping the papers he was holding, as well as his coffee, as he ran straight into Emily.

"Reid." He bent down to pick up the papers, stuttering an apology for the coffee spill. It had barely splashed on her shoes. "REID. Look at me."

"I'm busy, I have to get ready to leave-"

She bent down next to him and reached out a hand to still one of his. He found himself gripping hers tightly, letting out the air he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. "Reid, will you please talk to one of us?"


"Don't lie to me."

"I can't." He muttered, letting go of her hand, feeling embarrassed. He picked up the papers, ignoring the drops of cold coffee on the floor. "I really can't talk about it, Emily."

"It isn't the drugs again, is it?" He looked up, startled into meeting her gaze.


She sighed. "Then it's what I suspected?"

He made a face at her, snapping, "And exactly what is that?"

"You have a girlfriend. Or…a boyfriend." He tensed at the word. She sighed again. "Reid, you know none of us are going to judge you for that. You don't have to go to lengths to hide it."

"It isn't that easy." He hissed. "It's complicated, really complicated. Can we drop it for now?"

"When we get back from Richmond, will you let me help?"

Her words tied his tongue. People didn't help him with his emotions, with his personal life. He dealt with that by himself. They knew that. He pursed his lips, about to snap an insult at her, when she gave him one of those looks, the ones that annoyed the hell out of him when they first met, but he now found so comforting. Her eyes softened, she looked so concerned. Like a real friend, and like someone who got him.

"Fine." He mumbled. "Fine. When we get back, I'll…I'll try and explain, okay? But you have to believe me that it's weird. It's messed up and complicated and if you freak out and go to Hotch or anyone else when I tell you…"

Her eyebrows knit together in confusion, but she nodded. "It's done." She hugged him gently, then turned on her heel, calling over her shoulder, "Grab your bag, we need to go."

Richmond was one of those cities that Reid avoided. He hated it. Not true. A voice in his mind told him, but he firmly told it to shut up. He knew he would hate any city right now, even his home of Las Vegas, because he was worried. No, beyond worried. Adam- also known as his Problem- had not taken that he was leaving well. He had pretended to, for Spencer's sake, but it was obvious that he was agitated. His green eyes had gotten wide, his lip trembled, and he hugged himself tightly, curled on the couch in a pair of sweatpants and the green sweatshirt that hung on his thin frame but matched his eyes perfectly that he only wore when he was upset. Spencer had tried to comfort him, had kissed him over and over, kissed his lips, his sharp cheekbones, his eyelids, his head, his neck, but nothing calmed him. Being left alone for too long brought bad memories back to Adam, which left knots of worry in Spencer's stomach.

Amanda hadn't shown herself in almost two years. In therapy, Adam had returned one day, and they had switched back and forth for months, the therapist working hard on convincing Amanda to allow Adam to dominate his body, now that his stepfather was in prison. When they had been convinced that Adam was safe, he had been released. Spencer had been shocked when a forlorn looking Adam had shown up at his door, asking to stay just until he could find a place. A short stay had turned into a few months, which had turned into a year, and suddenly 'Reid's place' was 'Reid and Adam's place'. And a year after moving in, Adam had kissed Reid (who had been very naive as to why his stomach curled in a very odd way when Adam's eyes turned on him in a certain way, or when the other man walked out of the shower with a towel slung low on his hips, or…) and they had begun sharing a bed.

And yet they were still chaste in all that they did. Spencer had no clue what to do, his sexual experience extended to two fumbled encounters with girls in college, and Adam… Adam panicked sometimes if Spencer's hands trailed too low on his hips. Adam had nightmares that woke them both, his screams haunting, the blankets tangled and his eyes wild.

Spencer shook himself from his thoughts, trying to get rid of the tangled emotions he was feeling. He was with Rossi, finishing the geographical profile for the kills. He sighed and studied his map.

"Hey Reid. Hotch mentioned something earlier, and I just wanted to let you know, you can talk to us, you know?"

"I don't- what? Hotch mentioned what exactly?"

Rossi shrugged. "Just that you've been kind of off lately. Stressing yourself out, a little on… edge. He didn't say much more, but I wanted to give you the chance to…you know, hold out on this one. Go back to your room, relax. Go back home tomorrow morning, even."

Spencer's stomach lurched. This was not okay. He actually wanted to leave.

"NO." He snapped. "I'm not leaving."

Rossi gave him one of his deeper, questioning looks that said, 'I can see through this', but didn't press him. Spencer sighed, knowing the team could see through him like crystal clear glass. He had a sick feeling deep in his stomach that he should avoid Hotch as much as possible for the rest of the day.

"Reid." Fuck. Didn't sound like that was going to happen. He turned, trying to keep his face straight.

"Hotch, I think the killer may be-"

"Reid, go home." Hotch's expression was, as always, stony, but there was a glimmer of concern in his eyes. "You obviously haven't slept in days-"

"None of us sleep!"

"-AND-" Hotch's voice got sterner. "you obviously aren't in the state of mind to help out as much as usual right now. Go home, get some rest, get it together. Your head is not in this, and until it is, I want you back in Quantico."

Now Spencer just felt angry. He had invested himself in someone else and it was interfering with his job. Arguing with Hotch was fruitless, he knew, but he was still frustrated.

"I'm staying here overnight, at least. Let me work on it in my room, I'll call if I think of anything. Come on Hotch."

Hotch's features softened about a sixteenth of a degree. "Your hotel. That's it."

That's it. He sighed and left the station, Adam's eyes in his mind. The worry couldn't be entirely replaced with anger, no matter how hard he tried. Someone that scared of life was just too much for him.

The case wrapped up quickly- the killer was so strung out that he had been easy for them to track down. A relief, considering some of the cases they had been called in for in Richmond had not been nearly that pretty, if pretty were the word to describe a quickly wrapped up case of murders. Reid was quiet on the way back, glad for Emily's presence next to him. Derek had been by his side the entire time, as had JJ, but Emily knew some of what was going on, which actually comforted him. She squeezed his hand just before they entered the BAU, giving him a small smile, saying without words I'll listen. How did she do it? He smiled back, relieved. That was, until a familiar voice that sent chills up his spine greeted them. Spencer turned in horror, to see a figure clad in a satiny, tight black dress and a green headband in her auburn hair.

"Hey boys. Miss me?"


The next few hours went by in a whirl of voices cursing, yelling, trying to be calming (Emily and Garcia), and finally silence as Spencer unlocked the door to his apartment. He had slipped out with his Now Major Problem while everyone was arguing, so confused and upset and tired that he couldn't handle the judgements of his colleagues anymore. Amanda practically dragged him in, pushing him down on the couch with force, kissing him roughly.

"Hey- Ammmph-"

"Shhh, Dr.Reid. I'm going to do what Adam's been so afraid to do all of this time. Or don't you want me?"

Spencer looked up at her, terrified. "Amanda. Let Adam out. Adam. ADAM."

"Adam got too scared when you left him here, so I decided to come out and…play." The green eyes that were usually so wide and innocent were narrowed in a mix of anger and lust.

"I had to leave you, ADAM, and you knew I was coming back baby." The endearment felt foreign on his tongue, just as kissing male flesh had at first. He knew he had to be gentle though, if he was going to coax Adam out again. Amanda's eyes flashed, and she held Spencer's hands over his head. He realized in horror that a belt that belonged to Adam, left haphazardly on the couch two days ago, was now being used to bind his wrists together. "No, Adam. Adam, you don't want to do this."

"Adam isn't here. Adam couldn't get what he wanted, and he couldn't give you what you need."

"Adam, come on. You can do this."

Spencer didn't struggle against the bonds, knowing that would anger Amanda more. Flashes of when he was held captive by Tobias Henkle went through his mind and he felt panic flaring through him, white hot, and he was fighting hard against his instinct to try and break the bonds, but he knew Amanda was stronger than he. She knew that, too, and his last resort- his gun- was tossed aside carelessly.

A flash of something other than anger ran through Amanda's eyes. "Aren't you going to struggle, Dr.Reid?" She asked smoothly.

"I need to see Adam, Amanda."

"Why would you want that?" She leaned down and kissed him again, and he winced as he felt her hands slip up his shirt. She was lacking the tacky acrylic nails, which meant Adam hadn't broken from himself for long. For that he let out of sigh of relief, which Amanda took for pleasure. "See? You enjoy me more. You always did like pretty women."

Spencer tried to catch her eye but she was exploring his chest intently, and he let his head fall back for a moment, re-thinking his strategy. He drew in a sharp breath when the sting of a blade hissed across his skin and he burst out,

"ADAM! Adam, please, please, come on, I know you're in there, I love you. I need you to talk to me I love you."

The figure on top of him stilled in what seemed to be shock, then collapsed nearly bonelessly.

"Adam…?" Spencer asked quietly.

Green eyes met his, wide and innocent, guilt filled. "What happened? I thought you were in Richmond?"

"Sit up, first of-"

BANG. His door broke down and Derek's familiar "NOBODY MOVE!" filled the silence. Adam let out what sounded almost like a whimper and Spencer put a comforting arm around him.

"Reid? Reid! Oh my GOD, you're okay, get that-"

"DON'T TOUCH HIM." Reid roared. The team stared, looking stunned. Even Hotch looked comically shocked. "Don't. Touch. Him." Adam was shivering now. "He's scared, if you try and touch him he might- he might…"

Emily was the first one to really understand, and she came over cautiously and put her arm around Spencer's other side. Derek and Rossi followed, sitting on the loveseat. Hotch just stood there, looking…well, looking like Hotch.

"JJ, could you make some coffee?"

"Peppermint tea, too." Spencer said, absentmindedly. "He drinks tea."

JJ went into the kitchen, fixing the coffee and tea, the only sound for the next few minutes coming from the clanking of cups and the brewing of coffee.

Finally, Hotch spoke up. "Reid, you know you need to explain this. You have an old unsub living with you. And you apparently know him quite well."

"Adam didn't kill anyone." Spencer defended, his head muddled. "Amanda did."

"So Amanda's the reason you're bleeding, kid?" Derek asked.

"Uh." He looked down. The blood soaking through his shirt surprised him, and when Adam saw it, he started shaking even harder. "Hey" He whispered. "I'll explain later."

"You'll explain now." Rossi said sternly. Spencer sighed.

"Okay. Adam has been back for two years. Over two years. When he was released, he came to me- he remembered me, because he felt like he could talk to me. I said he could crash here for a few nights…just until he found a job and a place to stay. We…we got along really well though, you know?" Spencer rubbed his eyes. This was possibly the most awkward thing he had ever done. "He just ended up staying here. But I- I uh. I've been having nightmares lately, and they've been triggering him…um. And so I…I got worried about the next time we'd have to go anywhere…I guess I was right. But I got Amanda to leave."

"Did you ever think about making sure he was in therapy?" Emily asked him, incredulously. He looked at her as though she'd suggested he put his underwear on his head, paint his body green, and dance around the FBI to the tune of "This is the Song that Never Ends".


A collective, frustrated sigh went around the room, and JJ began passing around the coffee and tea.

"You're so slow sometimes." Morgan closed his eyes tightly, looking as though he wanted to punch something. "You realize how much danger you've put yourself in?"

"And how much stress you've put on yourself and your job?" Hotch cut in, back to business. "I'm not happy with this, Reid."

Spencer stared at his hand intertwined with Adam's. Therapy. Why hadn't he thought of that?

"Reid, look, we aren't judging you." JJ handed him a cup of coffee, then gently picked the displaced wig off of the couch, sitting delicately next to Adam on his other side. "Adam…hey. I don't know if you're feeling up to talking, but I made you some tea. Do you take anything in it?" For the first time, Adam looked up and smiled shakily. Spencer felt a rush of affection for his friends.

"I like honey in it. So it's…good and sweet. And a bit of cream." He looked timid, but JJ nodded and laid a hand on his.

"I can do that. Don't worry, okay? None of us are here to hurt you." She stood up and began fixing his tea.

Spencer finally took a breath and began to speak.

"Hotch, I know I should have told you guys. But this is my private life. Yes, Amanda was an unsub, but Adam hasn't done anything, and I really have grown to care for him." He took another deep breath, and a sip of coffee. He hadn't stuttered or sounded too awkward yet, he was on a roll. "I'm sorry that I let it get to the point of Amanda coming out again, but…I'll make sure both of us start going to therapy now. It's only right. I do love him, though. I won't make any sacrifices for him."

The room was quiet for a minute, until JJ brought Adam's tea to him. He thanked her, and took a sip. Spencer expected Hotch to be the one to speak, but instead-

"Please don't hate me." Adam spoke in a quieter voice than usual. "I didn't mean to make things bad for him."

Everyone stared for a second, and surprisingly enough, it WAS Hotch who spoke.

"I think we should all get some sleep." He stated with finality. "I think you two need to sort out the therapy thing. I don't necessarily approve of this…of how this was a case at some point. But if you can make this happen, Reid, and it makes you happy, well. I think I speak for all of us when I say you need something, or someone, to get you there. Just work it out and don't let it impede on the job. Everyone?" He raised the infamous Hotch Eyebrow and everyone said their goodbyes, JJ and Prentiss lingering a bit longer.

Once everyone was gone and Spencer and Adam were ready and in bed, Spence finally explained what happened. Adam's eyes got bigger than Spencer though possible, and he molded himself against his lover's thin frame.

"'m sorry." He murmured. "I hurt you. I'm sorry."

"No. I should have known all along."

"Known what?"

"That you're everything to me, and that I'll do everything to keep you safe."

Adam smiled against Spencer's chest, knowing they both felt as though they were truly home for the first time in their lives.
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